I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
