his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
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I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
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That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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