He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You are the jesus of drinking
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
