So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
