I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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