I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
