I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
