I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Sorry about my life...
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
