Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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