Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
then he tried to convert me to islam
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
