well he's currently spooning the coffee table
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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