im six kinds of drunk right now
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
