I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
They should really pass out barf bags in church
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
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