Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
