I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
