She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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