new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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