omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
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