Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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