why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
we're making bets on your personal life
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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