so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
