Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
