Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
