So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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