Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
