just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Randomize
