All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
