and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
