i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
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No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
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Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
false alarm, still single
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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