P.S. I can't hear my feet
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
