walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
