he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
