i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
