The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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