I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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