love makes seman taste better
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
