Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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