I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
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In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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