i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
