wrigley field is MILF paradise
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
