If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't EVER smell your tampon
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize