New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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