I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i just had sex bonerless
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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