That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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