Apparently you make a good broom.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
