Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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