You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
