My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
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Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
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Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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