I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
