Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
