You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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