I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
