is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
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