I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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