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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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