Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
