Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
