Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
