i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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