Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
