i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
