It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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