I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
