There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
