kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
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Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
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she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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