If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
