I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
