I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
