I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
