Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
sarcasm needs its own font
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I can't put those talents on a resume
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
