Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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