we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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