I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
There are leaves in my underwear?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize