you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
