So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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