do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
