Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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